The Hue that got Me

They say, "Everyone becomes a poet when their hearts are goddamn breaking.."

And so she wondered if her heart ever stopped breaking coz it felt she had always been like a poet. And if only she could write all the rawness of her emotions lately..maybe, just maybe,  But no, she chose not to, of all the other things there are these few that is better kept in the deepest part of her heart.

Somebody left this heart in the cold.. nobody to hold on.



Coz srsly, what is she so afraid of?

So what? if she smiles to hide the pain

So what? if she loves someone unsure of her

So what? if she wasn't enough for someone to be contented with only her

So what? if she wasn't worth it for anybody to keep her

So what? if she wasn't appreciated at all

So what? if she isn't pretty

So what? if she cares too much about everything around her

So what? if she gets replaced by someone else so easily

So what? if she is hard to love and easy to leave

So what? if she feels scared of losing those who matter to her the most

So what? if she gets her heart broken over and over again

So what? if she isn't noticed and always ignored

So what? if she remembers and they all forgot her

So what? if she is gone

So what? if no one stays

So what? if she seem alone, all her life

SO WHAAAAAT?? if it scares her so much

...that it was all too much for her to bear.

Can't she be anything to you?

Too Much Hues

Sometimes, we are too focused on someone that we tend to overlook those who are more deserving of our attention.

Sometimes, it's all too much of you.

Maybe it's time to look around.

But still..
none of them could be you.

Sneaky Feels

Some feelings just dont go away.

Even when it is covered by another one. It's just like wrapping yourself in a dozen of blankets when its cold.

Isn't it?

THAMD #29 ∞ Tse

Dear  Hue,

You gave me so much to remember i choose not to forget. Is it even normal?

Always  Me


Whenever i see a red car anywhere around
I automatically remember you
I wonder what if it's yours
Will you recognize me
Even from a distance
right through the tinted window?
More like a thousand times i imagined
Continuously playing on my cassette mind
The things we could have done together
The moments we should have created
Our forever and happily ever after
Why...why it lasted so soon?
I'm pretty scolding myself
Each time i look for you in every crowd
With hopes i'd bump into you and awkwardly say "hi..please don't say goodbye again..."

Its crazy and weird.
How old memories can still have the ability to cut us open and put plenty onions in our eyes...

i terribly miss you.

Still Her Hue

She lie down on her bed as she stared blankly at the ceiling while thoughts invaded her cluttered mind. Remembering how it all started and how it all ended in utter dismay. She can't clearly understand why suddenly it turned out that way. Lost in her thoughts as the rain pours terribly loud over the roof and such deafeaning roar of thunder follows by. There may be a typhoon coming but it couldn't be any more dreadful than her bursting emotional storm. Just then a familiar cold feeling crept inside her fragile body. The icy chill of the night made her tremble in sadness as she pulled her blanket over her head, trying to lie down still but she can't help but to turn from one side to the other consecutively for a couple of minutes. The absolute darkness made her shiver and a little bit uncomfortable. It reminded her so much of the void space in her heart. She hugs her pillow a little bit more closer to her chest. Wanting to hide the hollowness in her heart but she knows no matter how she covers it, it's still, always have been empty.

She was resentfully still for a moment. Thinking that forever might have been near enough to reach or did she just thought it was. She was too blinded with deep affection that she didn't notice if there was any warning signs at all; or so she just recognized some of it after that ill-fated day. She closes her eyes and try not to think of him. She just can't. Just by the thought of his name made her heart beats fast. The sweet old memories compiled in the deep cavern of her mind started to break out. She wonders about him. How he's doing, who's he's with and that he's probably not even thinking of her anymore. How he has easily forgotten all about her. She can't help but to feel dejected. Why suddenly, she felt less. A little less worthy to keep, a little less pretty to adore, a little less confident to stand out, a little less of a woman to love, a little less dead to be alive. She knows she shouldn't feel that way but at this moment that's exactly how she feels. Slowly, teardrops formed on her right eye while another is rushing past the other one and all of it was uncontrollably flowing.

She started to cry silently underneath the blanket that shielded her from her own weakness. She quivers trying to be as quiet as she still attempts to convince herself that she is totally fine. Holding her broken pieces tightly together so it won't shatter. Yet she failed. She can't fight the urge to collapse. She knows she's been hurting and concealing the pain inside her for so long. That's when she let it all out and burst into extreme tears, wetting her pillow endlessly. Catching her breath in between sobs, she felt more exhausted with all her crying than all the work she had been doing everyday to keep herself busy.

She shuts her eyes tightly closed. Not wanting to cry anymore. Not wanting to feel anything. It hurts her throat to wail. She could no longer hear her tiny voice. Her eyes swollen in unpleasant red hues. Every part of her is inflicted in severe pain. Still, stubborn tears sneak out and freely run down through her face. Her heart becomes more heavier and heavier than it seems. It won't stop. Why does it still hurts so much? She mutters to herself. All she ever wanted was to stop her heart from continously breaking....

but it won't.