Still Her Hue

She lie down on her bed as she stared blankly at the ceiling while thoughts invaded her cluttered mind. Remembering how it all started and how it all ended in utter dismay. She can't clearly understand why suddenly it turned out that way. Lost in her thoughts as the rain pours terribly loud over the roof and such deafeaning roar of thunder follows by. There may be a typhoon coming but it couldn't be any more dreadful than her bursting emotional storm. Just then a familiar cold feeling crept inside her fragile body. The icy chill of the night made her tremble in sadness as she pulled her blanket over her head, trying to lie down still but she can't help but to turn from one side to the other consecutively for a couple of minutes. The absolute darkness made her shiver and a little bit uncomfortable. It reminded her so much of the void space in her heart. She hugs her pillow a little bit more closer to her chest. Wanting to hide the hollowness in her heart but she knows no matter how she covers it, it's still, always have been empty.

She was resentfully still for a moment. Thinking that forever might have been near enough to reach or did she just thought it was. She was too blinded with deep affection that she didn't notice if there was any warning signs at all; or so she just recognized some of it after that ill-fated day. She closes her eyes and try not to think of him. She just can't. Just by the thought of his name made her heart beats fast. The sweet old memories compiled in the deep cavern of her mind started to break out. She wonders about him. How he's doing, who's he's with and that he's probably not even thinking of her anymore. How he has easily forgotten all about her. She can't help but to feel dejected. Why suddenly, she felt less. A little less worthy to keep, a little less pretty to adore, a little less confident to stand out, a little less of a woman to love, a little less dead to be alive. She knows she shouldn't feel that way but at this moment that's exactly how she feels. Slowly, teardrops formed on her right eye while another is rushing past the other one and all of it was uncontrollably flowing.

She started to cry silently underneath the blanket that shielded her from her own weakness. She quivers trying to be as quiet as she still attempts to convince herself that she is totally fine. Holding her broken pieces tightly together so it won't shatter. Yet she failed. She can't fight the urge to collapse. She knows she's been hurting and concealing the pain inside her for so long. That's when she let it all out and burst into extreme tears, wetting her pillow endlessly. Catching her breath in between sobs, she felt more exhausted with all her crying than all the work she had been doing everyday to keep herself busy.

She shuts her eyes tightly closed. Not wanting to cry anymore. Not wanting to feel anything. It hurts her throat to wail. She could no longer hear her tiny voice. Her eyes swollen in unpleasant red hues. Every part of her is inflicted in severe pain. Still, stubborn tears sneak out and freely run down through her face. Her heart becomes more heavier and heavier than it seems. It won't stop. Why does it still hurts so much? She mutters to herself. All she ever wanted was to stop her heart from continously breaking....

but it won't.