Selfish Pain, Fearless Goodbye

"I love you. I really do.

Wait, im not that sure.

Oh, nevermind forget it. 

It's not important anymore.

            GOODBYE.."

It's hard to accept these kind of parting words when it has been hastily told. It almost felt like choking, the lump of pain cannot be easily taken in. 

Was it really easier to say goodbye?

Was it really the only way to avoid pain?

Was it?

Or was it even more painful that way?

IDK. 

Leaving someone you can't be with, someone you don't want anymore or maybe someone you're unsure of if that person is worth keeping for or that they are more deserving of such awful, heart-wrenching, fearless goodbye than to give a chance without hesitation and skepticism in mind.

All those people who heedlessly said goodbye, i truly admire them. Why not? I'll applaud to them unstoppably as i try to hold back these exploding tears. I dont know where did they'd got all their strength because they're too strong.. Too strong enough to give up the ones who would have never gave up on them.


if only.